“For God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 2 Tim. 1:7
A. INTRODUCTION
Some believe self-esteem and the Bible don‘t mix. Others are convinced there is no better place to find self-respect and self-acceptance.The truth is that self-esteem can be pursued with pride or humility. It can be cultivated within the boundaries of Biblical wisdom (and it produces healthy self-esteem) or without it (and it produces bad self-esteem).
B. WHAT IS SELF-ESTEEM?
It means several things. It means self-respect, self-acceptance, determination to go further in life, self-confidence and good actions.
C. Examples of healthy self-esteem versus bad self-esteem
Two people were students in high school. One seemed to have everything going for him while the other had a lot to overcome. The first came from a rich family, had good looks, grew up in an expensive neighborhood, and had many of the social privileges usually associated with wealth and success. The other one was plain in appearance, came from a working-class family and had to work hard to get good marks.
We asked them both about their feelings. The first one said that he was full of self-doubt, didn‘t like the way he looked and suspected that others paid attention to him only because of his family‘s money. The second was amazingly happy, well-adjusted and thoughly aware of her limitations and was determined to go further in life than others thought she could.
They were two people with different ways of looking at themselves. He had bad self-esteem while she had a healthy self-esteem. Together they remind us that we all have a way of looking at ourselves that influences whether we feel adequate or inadequate, likeable or unlikable, valuable or worthless.
What causes this great difference in the feelings of these two people?
We have found out the answer. Our opinion of ourselves depends largely on how we have learned to think about ourselves from the ―important people‖ in our lives. If the ―significant others‖ in our life have helped us to feel important and loved, we will be inclined to have a healthy opinion of ourselves. If they have given us reason to feel inadequate or unneeded, we are apt to find ourselves thinking:
- There is something wrong with me.
- I do not belong here.
- I do not like myself.
- I do not have what it takes.
- I do not compare well.
- I want to hide.
Bad self-esteem is a curse. Another type of bad self-esteem that is cultivated because of false hope given in education by the media and even in religious circles. It is self-confidence that says:
- I can be anything I want to be.
- I deserve more.
- I do not need anyone else‘s help.
- I do not have any regrets.
- I do not have any fears.
Instead, the right kind of self-esteem rests on a fair assessment of our real strengths and weaknesses. A healthy self-esteem expresses itself with a confidence they says:
- My life has a purpose.
- I can be anything God enables me to be.
- I will seek forgiveness for my wrongs.
- I belong here.
- I can love and be loved.
- I need others as they need me.
Healthy self-esteem is a blessing.
WHAT DO WE LEARN FROM THIS LESSON?
1. To avoid the two bad types of self-esteem described above.
2. Review our situation and have a realistic assessment of our life.
3. Men and women who experienced rejection in their early years often struggle for the rest of their lives trying to feel good about themselves. Let us develop the attitude from now on that it is not other people‘s opinion about us which shapes our feelings. We are sons and daughters of God and belong to Him.
Christian Self-Esteem
1. Self-esteem with humility
In the book of Sirach of the Old Testament: ―My son with humility has self-esteem; prize yourself as you deserve. Who will acquit him who condemns himself? Who will honor him who discredits himself? (Sirach 10:31-32)
This verse has two ideas. The first one is clear that Christian self-esteem is based on humility because the Holy Spirit in us does not work with people who are filled with pride. The second idea in this verse is that Christians depend on God‘s protection and gifts, and they respect and honor themselves on that basis. This means self-respect and self-honor are based on giving glory to God not to the self.
Basing self-esteem on humility and giving glory to God removes the bad type of self-esteem that is based on pride and dependence on personal abilities and possessions.
St. Paul said ―For I say through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith‖ Rom.12:3. As we read on Rom.12:4-12 we find the Bible telling us to think of ourselves as people who are mutually reliant on one another‘s strength.
When St. Paul used the word ―soberly‖ he was discouraging his readers from believing that they could do anything they wanted to do. Instead of Paul encouraged them to have a sobriety about themselves that is rooted in realism. So, St. Paul is asking his readers to think of themselves as people who understand their dependence on (1) God and (2) one another.
Therefore it is important to have a healthy self-image that reflects our dependence on God.
Example to show the meaning here:
Think about a child who has a big brother for protection. How would the child feel in front of friends at school? If there is praise involved the child would feel good about himself. The praise is toward the big brother but the result is the child feeling good about himself or herself which is a separate thing. In other words, the result is that we are made to feel confident because of the praise of God‘s work in us.
2. Self-esteem based on God’s measure, not people
St. Paul wrote ―For we dare not class ourselves or compare ourselves with those who commend themselves. But they, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise …. For not he who commends himself is approved, but whom the Lord commends (2 Cor. 10:12, 18). So we should not compare ourselves to others, or to listen to what others say about us, but we have to think of what God will think of us. We do not have to praise ourselves. We do not have to look for people‘s praise for us to be good. We are good because God is with us and we are doing our share all the time under His direction.
3. Self-esteem as a by-product of the nearness of God
We should feel good about ourselves as a by-product of the nearness of God, not by esteeming ourselves directly. We should feel good about ourselves and have confidence as a result of the nearness of God, but not because of self-directed praise. This is King David‘s approach to this important issue ―But it is good for me to draw near to God, I have put my trust in the Lord God, that I may declare all Your works. Ps. 73:28. He also said in his Psalms ―O my soul, you have said to the Lord, You are my Lord, my goodness is nothing apart from you Ps.16:2. So we must keep thanking the Lord and always doing our share.
Conclusion
1. Christian self-esteem is a healthy one. It has the tendency to act and move forward based on taking its direction and support from God.
2. Christian self-esteem is based on thanking God and enjoying every moment of our life.
3. Christian self-esteem is not interested in judging others or having conflicts with others or worrying about things.
Father Rueiss Awad, CONTEMPORARY ISSUES (Toronto, ON: St. George and St. Rueiss Coptic Orthodox Church, 2019).