We talked about parenthood as a shadow of God’s true Fatherhood that bears love not authority, and we discussed, through the Bible, the positive and negative sides of upbringing children. 

To some extent, modern psychology embraces the same biblical directions, as it demands true firm love, so that the child does not suffer from his parents’ violence or excessive spoiling. Here, I would like to emphasize that the correct love is only another form of a true sacred life that is based on sincerity and purity of the heart, and not limited to rituals or visible behavior. 

PARENTHOOD AND THE SANCTITY OF PARENTS 

Our Lord Jesus Christ looked up to the Father, saying: “It is for them I sanctify Myself.” The Holy Son of God, who knows no sin, the One who sanctifies the souls and saves them from corruption, proclaims that He sanctifies Himself so that we may be holy in Him. He is the Holy One who dedicates His life for our sanctification and our salvation when He says that He sanctifies Himself. 

Thus, we can see in Our Lord Jesus Christ the greatest and unique ideal, and in turn, we need to sanctify ourselves for the sanctification of the new generation, as well as our own growth in the holy life. So, a child training and upbringing begins in the life of his parents, even before they have him. 

Child rearing starts from the parents’ bedroom in their private living association with the Holy God, and their bond together through true love in God. An expert in education was asked: “When should I start raising my son?” He replied, “Twenty years before his birth.” Ever since the Old Testament, the Bible focuses on the lives of the parents as being the spring that flows into the children. 

I might add that, although some children had been deprived of their parents’ nurturing and compassion for one reason or another, but the blessings and prayers of their parents do accompany them in their path. 

The greatest in prophets, Samuel, was born as a fruit of love in between his parents, and also the harvest of his mother’s contrition prayers.John the Baptist was the son of two righteous people, who passed away and left him, and he lived in the wilderness supported by their blessings and prayers! 

Moses was deprived of his parents, except for a few years in his childhood when he was breastfed by his mother in the palace of Pharaoh. She founded the spirit of faith in him, which remained with him to the end despite the pagan environment in which he lived and the temptations that surrounded him in the palace. 

On the contrary, many people harshly attempted to raise their children in God’s arms to live in the fear of the Lord. But the parents’ lives which were built on sand with no foundation, limited to appearances and without roots or depth; that turned the children off from all what is related to religion. Some even antagonized the Church and resisted the truth! 

The secret of Paula’s success was her mother’s, Leita, sacred life. St.Jerome wrote to the mother a letter saying: In answer to your requests and the requests of the blessed Marcella, I would like to correspond with you as a mother, and coach you on how to raise Paula who is dear to us. She is the one who was sanctified for Christ before her birth and was consecrated to his service even before her conception. 

Here, in our times, the story told by our prophets about Hannah is being repeated. She started as barren, but then she became fertile… 

I also trust that since you offer the first born to the Lord, you will become a mother to many children. According to the Law, the first born is sanctified to the Lord (Exodus 13:2). 

CREATE CHURCH ENVIRONMENT 

During the sacrament of marriage, the bride and groom listen to these Gospel words: “In the beginning was the Word… All things were made through Him, and without Him nothing was made… But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, even those who believe in His name: who were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God” (John 1:1-13). 

The aim of marriage – after enjoying the spirit of union and love – is producing children to live in the shadow of love in the spirit of the Church. The Church therefore emphasizes to the newlyweds as they unite that their offspring are from God. “All things were made through Him,” and not the result of united flesh or some lust. They are God’s holy gift. The church lifts their eyes for them to offer their children to God, not as if they own them, but as “children of God” born of the water and the Spirit. 

When God awards a child to a couple, they in turn offer the child to God, to become His son through the sacrament of baptism. In baptism, the Lord returns the child to the parents and they promise to raise him in the Spirit of God, to live as a son of the Church. The parents or “godparents” are then committed to bring the baptized up in the Church environment, especially as he has become a temple of the Holy Spirit. 

The priest advises the parents, saying: 

Today my beloved, your children became heirs to life with Our Lord Jesus Christ! Today your children got included in the purchased life, and became established in the proper Orthodox faith. 

They were slaves, not free at birth, but today they have become winners against wicked plots… 

Now my beloved know that you received your children according to a holy, pure and spiritual baptism, and that you are accountable to God for them if you neglect them and their discipline or if you do not keep them away from inappropriate matters. 

Strive in teaching them to memorize and recite the Scriptures which are the breath of God, and to stick to the church in morning and night and to observe the apostolic instructions… 

Protect your children and do not allow them to go to unsuitable places, for the Lord to guard them from evil temptations. 

Plant beautiful qualities in them, sow righteousness and praise in them, sow celibacy in them, etc. 

• It is customary to call godparents spiritual parents. 

St. John Chrysostom 

• We believe and trust that the parents’ and godparents’ faith provide an advantage for the children. 

• The children come to gain spiritual grace, not by those who carry them in their hands… but they are taught and prepared by the whole congregation including saints and believers (i.e. godparents represent the whole all-embracing Church). 

St. Augustine 

• The ceremony of baptism occurs through a person called a godparent. This person testifies to the good deeds of the one who is about to be baptized. The godparent confirms that the person for baptism was rightly counseled, did all the required preparation before coming for baptism and is worthy to become a citizen of the (heavenly) city. The godparent is not responsible for the sins that the baptized person might commit in the future – because every person answers to God about his own deeds. But he is correctly referred to as a guarantor, because his testimony qualifies the counseled person for baptism. 

• The godparent will reply on your behalf (during the ceremony) and becomes your mentor and leader in the heavenly city to help you settle there. 

Fr. Theodore 

There are many commandments, but they could be summarized in one; that is the upbringing of the child should be contained within their church and according to her spirit. The following are some of the commandments given by some Fathers so that children thrive in a Church environment and enjoy the Church’s motherly care through in the holy house. 

• As you know, Samuel grew up in the Temple, and John was trained in the wilderness. The first was offered to the Lord, so he grew his hair, did not drink wine or alcoholic drinks, and spoke with God when he was a child. The second left city life, was clothed in camel’s hair, and his food was locusts and wild honey (Matthew 3:4)… That is how the soul which is God’s temple should be refined. 

It is not appropriate for Paula to hear, learn, or speak of anything other than what demonstrates the Lord’s fear. It should not know profane words or worldly songs. 

Its tongue should indulge in the sweetness of the Psalms. 

• When Paula grows up like her Groom, in wisdom and grace before God and people (Luke 2:52), she will go with her parents to the Temple of her real Father. They will not take her back with them – away from Him, but they will search for her among relatives and acquaintances of this world and she will not be found (Luke 2:43-46), except in the security of the Scriptures, asking prophets and apostles about the meaning of the spiritual marriage which she vowed for. 

Encourage her to follow Mary’s example, whom the angel Gabriel found alone in her room (praying), and she was disturbed (Luke 1:29) when she saw a man in her room! 

Let her follow the saying: “The royal daughter is all glorious within” (Psalm 45:13). 

Let her be targeted by the arrows of love and say to her Groom: “Take me away with You – let us hurry! Let the King bring me into his chambers” (Songs 1:4) 

Do not let her go outside, lest the guards would find her and take her veil of chastity (Songs 5:6), and leave her naked in her blood (Ezekiel 16:1-10). But, better that she says to the one who knocks on her door (Songs 5:2): “I am a wall and my breasts are like towers” (Songs 8:10), and “I have washed my feet; how can I defile them?!” (Songs 5:3)… 

• From now, teach her not to drink wine, “in which is dissipation” (Ephesians 5:18)… 

• Let her be deaf to the sound of the organ, and unable to use the flute and harp (for the worldly songs)… 

• Let her daily chore be in giving you flowers which she hand-picks from the Bible. 

• It is proper that she wakes up at night to recite prayers and psalms, and to sing praise in the morning, and in the time of the third, sixth and ninth hours. She should take a place among the ranks of the warriors for Christ’s name. Finally, she should lights her lamp and give evening offerings. 

These works should be the routine of her day and night; they will keep her occupied. If she prays after reading and reads after praying, she will be busy with many varied chores and time will pass quicker.Then he talked about craftsmanship… It is important that a child is brought up from an early age to work diligently. 

• Let her restrain and mortify her body by vigils and fasting. 

The cold chastity will enable her to extinguish the flames of lust and suppress the hot desires of youth. 

• Her treasures shouldn’t be silk and jewels, but manuscripts of the holy books… 

• Let her dresses and robes befit the One she is devoted to! 

Do not let her hurt her ears or paint her face, which was sanctified for Christ, with colors of red and white… 

Her jewels should be of a different kind. She can sell ordinary jewels later, and buy instead the One Pearl “of great price” (Matthew 13:46). 

• Let her start with learning the Psalms and understand the wise behavior in life from Solomon’s book of Proverbs – so that she can perfect the habit of ridiculing the world and its false people, and try to be like Job in his virtues and patience. Then, to progress to the Gospels and not let go of them as long as she has hold of them! 

After that, she sips the Acts of the Apostles and the Letters with content heart. 

As she stocks up her mind with these treasures, she learns the books of the Prophets, the Heptateuch (the seven books from Genesis to Judges), the books of Kings and Chronicles, Ezra and Esther… 

When she completes all of that, she can confidently read the Song of Songs. She should not read it before completing all other readings, because she will fail to understand it. Despite being written in physical terms, it is in fact the wedding song to the Groom of the soul. It might disgust a reader who does not understand it… 

She should avoid fraudulent books… 

Let the writings of Cyprian be always in her hands. 

Let her learn Athanasius’ letters and the treatises of Hillary and do not 

think that she might struggle to understand1. 

St. Jerome 

•  “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord” (Colossians 3:16). 

He says “hymns and spiritual songs” while your children perform Satan’s songs and dances… It is a real shame that not one of them knows a psalm!… 

Teach your child to be mindful of the psalms that are full of the love of wisdom, and touch on chastity, and avoiding the companion of evil-doers… 

Then after the Psalms, they should learn divine praises – that is what the heavenly powers sing. 

St. John Chrysostom 

CAREFULNESS IN SELECTING OF THE NANNY, SERVANT AND FRIEND 

A human’s personality is formed during his early childhood, and on this foundation, he lives for the rest of his life. For this reason, when giving the children back to their parents, the church in great care, cautioned the parents about having immoral nannies, servants, friends, or any other caregivers for their children, lest they permeate corruption to the children’s good nature. 

• The damage caused to a free person from employing crooked slaves is immeasurable. 

St. John Chrysostom 

• Keep Paula away from the boys and their sinful ideas. It is appropriate that her nannies and other helpers should give up the life of worldly (scornful) society, because when they learn bad matters, they will pass it onto her, maybe even in a worse form. 

• Beware that your daughter is not led by wicked women. With them, she might get used to speak in nicknames (for alluring) or seek vanity in gold and purple dresses. The first will mess up her talk and the second will blemish her personality. 

She must not learn anything during her childhood that is not appropriate to learn later on. 

It is difficult for the mind to get rid of early influences. Who can restore the brilliant white color of wool once it is stained with purple?! A jar which is not used for a long time retains the taste and smell of what previously filled it. 

The Greek history tells us about Emperor Alexander – who dominated the whole world – and how he was unable to get rid of the effects of the immoral behaviors instilled in him by Governor Londius, during his childhood. 

We are always quick to imitate what is evil. In no time, mistakes become our nature and virtues then become difficult. That is why Paula’s nanny must not be loose, corrupt or foolish. 

Any person in close proximity to her or is involved in attending to her in any way should be respectable and sincere. So, when she sees her grandfather, she would jump on his chest and put her arms around his neck, and, whether he likes it or not, sing “Alleluia” in his ears (because she learned praises, not songs). 

Do not let her mix with strangers unless accompanied by you. She also can go to church or visit the shrine of a martyr, but only with her mother. 

Do not give permission to young men to greet her with smiles or try to lure her with locks in their hair… 

• Encourage her to befriend some older virgins who have advocated faith, strong personality, and chastity. For them to be live examples for her, so she would learns by words and deeds. 

St. Jerome 

• Our spiritual teachers thought about this matter and they agreed that biological parents can entrust a righteous mentor for the care of their children. The children remain under his care as a holy father to secure sacred salvation. During the ceremony of the sacrament (baptism), that mentor lifts the child, advocates holy life, condemns the devil and declares the faith. 

St. Dionysius Areopagite 

PRACTICAL DEVOTION 

St. John Chrysostom considered it important that parents should not only care that their children are engaged in holy life, but also to prepare them for sanctified married life. A home is like a school in preparing the child for work. Likewise, the home prepares him to put the foundation of a new ‘home.’ In other words, it is the parents’ duty to create a generation who is ready to prepare the next generation that succeeds them, and so on. This thought must never depart from their mind. 

This requires the children to be familiar with life of patience and endurance and to be able to face difficulties with good practical faith. 

• Let us train our children to be able to tolerate every trial, and not to be surprised by what happen to them because of this trial. 

St. John Chrysostom 

GOOD EXAMPLES 

Parents’ sanctified life provides a good example that is sensed by a baby, a child, and youth. Children learn from their parents not through orders and prohibitions (do’s and don’ts), but through their lifestyle. That is why the church very much cares that Christian homes should live an unblemished life with meaningful reverence. 

A child is able to detect his parents’ lies, anger, insincerity (hypocrisy) in worship, and all their vulnerable points, which takes away their authority to direct and guide him. The parents’ job is to present the child with a live model of the practical faith, and a sincere spiritual picture, reflecting the same status they wish him to be. Then, they will not resort to giving many instructions, and the children would accept their advice with love and understanding to its reasoning. 

•  “In all things showing yourself to be a pattern of good works” (Titus 2:7). 

The apostle directs that older women and older men advise young women and young men to be sensible. 

All should become institute and example of virtue in everything. Your glowing example will be displayed in great beauty for anyone 

seeking examples for good things. 

St. John Chrysostom 

• It is proper that you would be as a school for her and a model for what you wants her to be, whilst you plan her childhood. 

Let neither you – nor her father – allow her to see any of your doings that, if she copied, she would be doing wrong! 

Remember that you are the parents of a consecrated virgin and that you teach her more through your conduct than through your instructions. 

St. Jerome 

Father Tadros Y. Malaty, Family Love (SOUTH BRUNSWICK, NJ: Queen Mary & Prince Tadros Coptic Orthodox Church).