WORKING WITH GOD! 

Parents are accountable before God for giving their child as an unblemished offering to the Lord. They prepare this offering through the church, the work of the Holy Spirit, and their own diligent nurturing, so that the child becomes a viable offering living for the Lord with open heart to all human beings. 

This is a truly critical responsibility for the father and the mother. They need special qualifications in spiritual and mental maturity as well as understanding their obligations towards their children to discern their minds, strengths, abilities, and talents. 

However, St. John Chrysostom reassures us by saying: [Let’s ask God to help us on this matter. If he sees us caring and concerned about it, he will help us. But if he sees us indifferent about it, he would not lend us a hand. He does not grant his assistance when we slumber, but when we toil.] 

LOVE; BETWEEN COMPASSION AND FIRMNESS 

In our discussion “Parenthood; between Love and Authority,” we have seen that love does not mean immense spoiling. Instead, it is meaningful and purposeful compassion towards self-edifying and personal growth. The result of over mollycoddle does not differ much from the result of violence and cruelty. In another words, love, kindness, and dialogue with the children do not conflict with wise and purposeful discipline. 

God disciplines us as our Father, not in retaliation, but mercifully and compassionately for our edification and growth. Solomon the Wise says: “Because the Lord disciplines those He loves and as a Father the son in whom he delights” (Proverbs 3:12). 

Parental discipline differs from cruelty that is outside parenthood, because it stems from sincere love. We have already spoken extensively about the “spiritual father’s firmness in caring for his children.” And, there is no need to reiterate that here. 

We need to keep in mind that our hearts should be filled with love before we rebuke, according to the words of St. Augustine: [Reprimand must be preceded by compassion not anger]. 

At the same time, let’s observe these words and sayings: 

“He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him” (Proverbs 13:24). 

“Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death” (Proverbs 19:18). 

“Do not withhold correction from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from hell” (Proverbs 23:13-14). 

“The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself, brings shame to his mother” (Proverbs 29:15). 

Let there be love that is not flaccid! 

Let cruelty be not severe! 

Let compassion be according to the situation without disproportionate lenience! 

Father Gregory 

Fathers: Teach your sons in the Lord, and nurture them with the knowledge and discipline of Christ. Teach them appropriate trade so that they do not become idle. 

Do not worry about rebuking or teaching them good standing because in doing so you are not killing them but loving them. 

Constitutions of Ebn El-Assal 

Do not be afraid to reprimand them or firmly teach them wisdom, because your discipline will not kill them, but rather safeguard them… Whoever neglects advising or teaching his son, hates him. 

Constitutions of the Holy Apostles We have previously clarified the terms of discipline: 

Not to rush to discipline, lest the father might make mistake. 

Show love in discipline, so that it is accepted without grumbling. 

Show truth and fairness before discipline so that it yields the desired effect. 

Discipline should be proportionate and not rigid. 

DO NOT PROVOKE THEM 

A commandment is directed to children: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and your mother…” Parents should also oblige by the rest of the same commandment: “And you, fathers do not provoke your children to wrath but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Eph. 6:1-4). 

St. John Chrysostom commented on this commandment, saying: 

It did not say ‘Love them,’ because this is normal and subconsciously expected by instinct. In fact it would be curious to have such a commandment. 

But what does it say? “Provoke not your children,” as many people do by depriving them of their inheritance, disowning them, or nastily treating them as if they were slaves, not free individuals… 

The main issue is that (the Apostle) showed them how to lead the children to obedience by explaining the reasoning in the same way he explained a wife’s obedience to her husband. 

He directed the largest part of the commandments towards the man, advising him to draw his wife towards himself by the power of love. Here, too, he refers to a dynamic force (love), saying: “Bring them up in the fear and discipline of the Lord.” 

You can see how the spiritual bonds are followed by the natural bonds! 

Do you want to have an obedient son? Start with the Lord’s discipline and warnings. 

St. John Chrysostom 

Father Tadros Y. Malaty, Family Love (SOUTH BRUNSWICK, NJ: Queen Mary & Prince Tadros Coptic Orthodox Church).