LOVE IN THE LORD!
God prepared the heavenly kingdom for man exclusive of all other terrestrial creatures. Therefore, it is befitting that parents do not limit their love for their children to flesh or timely future, but should reach for eternal life for them.
The parents’ job does not stop at working and struggling to provide for their children, or raising prayers and submitting offerings for them to attain qualifications or secure employment or get married, but to first seek God’s kingdom and its righteousness for them, and all other things will be provided.
St. John Chrysostom rebukes us saying:
We care about our possessions for our children, but never care about our children!
How absurd?
Shape your child’s soul uprightly so that he reaches everything else.
Wealth will not give him an advantage if he was not righteous, and poverty will not harm him if he was.
You want him to be rich? Then, teach him to be righteous!…
You mothers, shape them (your daughters) in the same manner. You will not be saving them only, but also their husbands, their children and grandchildren! This is because a good root produces good branches which can get even better. And you will be rewarded for that!
So, let’s do things which benefit not only one, but many souls through the one soul.
St. John Chrysostom
LOVING PARENTS IN THE LORD
The Bible and the history of the Church gave us living examples of loving parents who understood real parenthood in the Lord. Some examples are:
1 – Hannah: Samuel’s Mother
We proudly mention the mother of the prophet Samuel, who brought up her son in the fear of the Lord, gave him up to serve in the Temple, and graciously said: “For this child I prayed and the Lord has granted me my petition which I asked of him. Therefore, I also have lent him to the Lord, as long as he lives he shall be lent to the Lord” (1 Samuel 1:27-28).
2 – Eunice: Timothy’s Mother
St. Paul wrote to his disciple St. Timothy, saying: “I call to remembrance the genuine faith that is in you, which dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I am persuaded is in you also” (2 Timothy 1:5).
3 – The Prophet Moses’ Mother
Despite the short period of time she spent with Moses – her son who was adopted by Pharaoh’s daughter – she was able to put the seeds of faith into him to reject the treasures and pleasures of the world even though he lived in a pagan environment.
She prepared her baby for the work of God to become a prophet.
4 – Paula’s Family
St. Jerome made known in his letters to Lady Paula and her family how they lived devoted to the true love in the Lord.
I personally felt ashamed of myself when I knew what this lady told St. Jerome that as a privileged Roman citizen, she could borrow money any time she wanted, while a poor person couldn’t and would die of starvation, because no one would lend to him, and she felt guilty about that. That is why she preferred to borrow money and pay interest to give to the needy.
She – as she said – wished that her children did not find enough money to buy her coffin when she passed away for the sake of the poor….
Her daughter-in-law, Lady Leata wrote to St. Jerome for guidance on how to raise her only daughter Paula (named after her grandmother) to be a sanctified virgin to the Lord1.
Grandmother Paula showed deep love for her children in the Lord, as demonstrated in St. Jerome’s letter to her daughter Eustochium:
I know that whenever she learned about serious illness affecting any of her children, especially Toxotios whom she loved very much, she would firstly whisper to herself: “I’m so troubled that I cannot speak” (Psalm 77:4). Then she would cry words from the Bible: “He who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me” (Matthew 10:37), and pray to the Lord, saying: “O Lord, save your children whom you destined for death, those who die in the flesh for you every day.”
St. Jerome: Epistle 107.
5 – Monica’s Love for her Son Augustine
She prayed with tears night and day for nearly twenty years without despair, for the recovery of her son and his repentance. Her preference was that he would lose his great fame and worldly glory rather than losing his life with the Lord! It is sufficient to mention a small segment of what her son wrote about her, saying:
My faithful mother cried to You for my sake, and her weeping exceeded that of a mother grieving over the loss of her only son.
My mother was devoted to You and full of the Holy Spirit, and so she realized the danger of death which I was holding onto! And You, O Lord answered her; You did not mock her tears, because wherever she prayed, her tears would cover the ground she was standing on…
My mother was able to meet the Bishop (St. Ambrose). She persisted with a lot of tears in her pleas to him hoping he would see me and talk to me. He was distressed for her perseverance and told her: “Go home. May the Lord bless you. The son of these tears will never perish.” What a great answer my mother was able to receive?!
She mentioned this to me many times and she believed it came from heaven.
6 – A Mother’s Love for her Son the Patriarch
It was mentioned in the story of the life of Pope Macarius, the Fifty-Ninth Pope, that he went to his hometown to ask after his mother. When she heard of his arrival, she did not come out. As he entered the house, she was spinning and did not greet him or pay him any attention.
He thought that she didn’t recognize him, so he said to her: “Don’t you know that I am your son Macarius who was promoted to the highest position, won great authority, and is called master of many people?!”
She replied tearfully: “I do recognize you and I am aware of your status, but my son, I wish they have brought you to me in a coffin, rather than to know or see you as a Patriarch. Don’t you realize that before, you were only responsible for yourself? But now you are accountable for all your people’s souls. Beware that you are now in a dire risk…”
These words were big incentive for him to struggle and work hard all his days as a Pope.
7 – The Martyrs’ Love for their Children
The martyrs revealed their real love for their children. As an example; some women refused martyrdom until they saw their children martyred before them, so as not to enter Paradise while their children would grow up in a pagan life, without the person who could teach them the Orthodox faith, and therefore would lose their eternity.
8 – Tobit’s Love to his Son
St. Cyprian acknowledged Tobias’ amazing love towards his son, as during the intensity of troubles, he commanded him to stick to the Lord. The Saint says:
[If you do not guide your children and strive to keep them in faith and piety, you would be a traitor who is not worthy to be a father.
You care for their earthly possessions much more than you care about their heavenly ones, and in doing that you advocate Satan not Christ. By that, you commit two sins, a double crime. One, you do not provide them with their Heavenly Father’s support, and the other, you teach them to love their possessions more than Christ.
It is better to be a father similar to Tobit. Command your son as Tobit did saying: “Listen, my sons, to your father. Worship the Lord rightly, and seek his satisfaction. Command your sons to do justice and charity, and to truly proclaim and praise God all the time with all their strength” (Tobit 14:8-9).
And he also said: “As for you, may God dwell in your heart all the days of your life, and avoid settling for sins and breaking our Lord’s commandments. Give donations from your money and do not turn your face away from the poor so that the Lord does not turn his face away from you….” (Tobit 4:5, 7).
9 – Parents’ Encouragement for their Children towards Consecration The history of the Church witnessed, and still witnessing to this day,
the love of many families to God. They compete in offering their children as a consecration to the Lord, as monks and nuns in particular. These families consider it a great honor, they are not worthy of, and a special gift permitted by God to them.
It is not easy – in the view of many – when a son becomes a monk. This is because he is cut off from the family both physically and emotionally. It is the beginning of a choice to carry the cross till death, which is difficult for parents to accept or be satisfied with, unless God’s love would have infiltrated the depth of their souls.
Therefore we shouldn’t be surprised when they do not clearly approve monasticism, nor should we be sad when we see their fatherly feelings and motherly compassion make them cry. But, what makes us sad and ashamed is what we see in our families – regrettably – of persistence in refusal and an actual use of violent and cruel discipline in their blocking to this calling. What a spiritual drought that afflicted us!
What selfishness has seized control of us that parents love themselves more than their God and their children! Shouldn’t a father’s happiness be in finding his son content in God’s arms?!
It was mentioned in the story of Anba Bishoy’s life that an angel appeared to his mother and told her: “The Lord says: ‘Give me one of your children to serve me.'” She replied: “Sir, take any one you want…”
When Anba Shenouda’s father noticed his son’s inclination towards worship and solitude, he handed him – despite his wealth – to his uncle Pigol, who was the head of one of the monasteries in Sohag to raise him…
EXAMPLES FOR MORTAL LOVE
1 – The Love of Augustine’s Father:
This represents an example of not thousands, but millions, of fathers and mothers who desire only earthly success for their children. St. Augustine says:
When I was six-years-old, there was a period of disruption to my education due to my father’s financial hardship. I lived with my family. I had increased twinges of impure desires. I used to go to the bathhouses, and there my father would see me. Then, he would joyfully go to my mother and tell her how delighted he was with what he was watching!
He wished that I grew to be like him. The filthy sensations that I felt, at the time, pleased him. These sensations which made the world forget you, O Creator.
2 – A Mother Pushes her Daughter into the Sweeping Tide of the World:
In the last few days, Lady Praetextata, who is of high status, altered her virgin daughter’s dress, and styled her hair in the latest craze, as dictated by her husband Hymettius (Eustochium’s uncle), who wanted to overcome the will of the virgin herself and the expressed wishes of her mother. On the same night, Lady Praetextata saw an angel in a dream. He terrifyingly stared at her and said: “How dare you put your husband’s commandments before the commandments of Christ?! In defiance, you put those hands that desecrate what is sacred over the head of the virgin?! If you persist in your misdeed, I will deprive you of your husband and your children.”
That is how with awe, Christ punishes those who violate His temple, and jealously defends His precious jewels.
St. Jerome
Father Tadros Y. Malaty, Family Love (SOUTH BRUNSWICK, NJ: Queen Mary & Prince Tadros Coptic Orthodox Church).