LOVE IS THE PILLAR OF THE FAMILY STRUCTURE 

Our Lord Jesus Christ started his ministry by going to the wedding at Cana of Galilee, giving the family a major part in his divine work. The Lord Himself is present in the sacrament of marriage, and He accompanies the couple in their new home as it represents a small sacred church, that is an extension of the mother Church, which is dedicated for the Lord. 

At the wedding of Cana of Galilee, the Lord requested empty jars, and ordered the servants to fill them with water. The guests were delighted when Christ turned the water in the jars into wine. The wine in the Holy Bible refers to love and also to spiritual joy. So the Lord in the sacrament of marriage, during the wedding, asks the couple for their empty jars, referring to their inability to provide for themselves or for others what pleases the heart and delights the soul. 

The Lord asked for water, or asks for their emotions or instinctive love, to create wine out of it that is unique in its kind. The Lord raises their nature to what is above nature. By the Holy Spirit, He bestows in them love that swallows all emotions and excitement and transcends it, and it gives them love for one another like the eternal love of Christ to the Church. 

This is the work of the sacrament of marriage; the Holy Spirit links the couple with true love as they become one body, to live together in love, united in their opinions, thoughts and their bodies also, through our Lord Jesus Christ, so they get to see and feel our Lord glorified in their lives. 

Through this outlook, the couple gets to taste the fatherhood of our caring God, and realize the motherhood of our Church, so they get to understand Parenthood, not just by the motives of nature, but through deep faith in God. In addition, the children through their love to the Only-Begotten Son understand filiation in obedience and submission to their parents. Thus, the bonds between family members get to be based on deep spiritual basis beyond the limits of nature. 

FAMILY STABILITY 

The Transfiguration of our Lord Jesus Christ in a Christian home creates an atmosphere of real love that motivates unity and stability, things that do not unravel over time, or because of certain events. Our Church works to confirm and apply this family atmosphere in every way, so the family ties can be strong. The Church reinforces the following: 

Marriage is only between one man and one woman; no third party comes in between. This was recommended by the Lord that a man will leave (and also a woman), his father and mother and be joined to his wife. It reaffirmed the importance of the unity of the home and its peace! It also keeps the bond between the couple and their children stable. 

Their bond in Jesus Christ: it is not sufficient that the marriage is between a man and a woman who have affection and love for each other, and they isolate themselves from their parents, but they have to seek to be joined in the Person of our Lord Jesus, so their eyes will be looking toward the Cross always. 

Marriage is not an emotional or affection harmony alone or agreement in thought or opinion, but it is a union in Jesus Christ through the Cross. 

Through the Cross there is no division, no quarrel, no selfishness, but every member bears the weaknesses of others, offering his life as a sacrifice of love for their salvation. No love greater than this?! 

Bonding of the couple and their children with the mother Church, they all realize their roles, and that they received the spirit of unity and love from Jesus Christ, so they establish a church for Him in their lives, and become witnesses to His life in them, and hand over the true live faith across generations. 

Jesus made sure to bond home with the Church, so everyone can live spiritually like Him, and get to grow in the life of love. 

The family bond with the Church in all circumstances, in joy and sorrow, in sickness and in oppression. Under all circumstances the family seek the Church as a mother that support the house with prayers, praise, and thanksgiving, so everyone can live together under the leadership of the Holy Spirit, who gives love, joy, and peace (Galatians 5:22). 

Forbidding the divorce except for adultery: so each member bears the weaknesses of the other member for the sake of our Lord. This way everyone is psychologically settled; man, wife, and children, and they get to be confident that stability does not depend on the whims and temperament of one person, especially since the Church prevent the remarriage of a divorcee if he or she was divorced because of adultery. 

And more than this, the Church does not favor “second marriage” after the death of the first spouse. This benefits the psychological stability of the children from the first marriage, and strengthens the bond between the couple and their children. 

In the book of “Shepherd” by Hermas1, which had its own recognition in the first centuries, divorce was not allowed to a husband or a wife even if the other party fell in adultery, but to wait for his/her repentance and recovery, but if he or she fell again, divorce must take place otherwise the innocent party is considered careless, linear with the sin, and partner in adultery. I’m not saying that it means we do not accept divorce because of adultery for the first time, but this book reveals two important aspects: seeking the fallen repentance, and preserving the sanctity and unity of marriage as much as possible. 

CARING FOR EVERY MEMBER OF THE FAMILY 

Before Christianity, family was often based on almost a dictatorship. The head of the family acts like a mastermind in his own way, and the rest of the family accepts it without discussion, but in Christianity each member of the family is given a role, so they all integrate together in a spirit of harmony and understanding. 

For the wife, it was some old laws that gave the man the right to treat woman the way he likes without accountability, and even in the religious view, she was considered the reason for the weakness that prevailed in the world. Christ came willing to redeem all: men and women; slave and free. And all became one in Him. Saint Paul the Apostle says: “For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for as many of you were baptized into Christ have put on Christ… there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Gal 3: 26-28). 

The Incarnation of the Word of God from the Virgin Mary, who became above all earthly and the heavenly hosts, gave back to women’s their dignity, and as St. Augustine says: 

By his birth from a woman, He wanted to reveal to us some of the heavenly secrets, because it is true my beloved that we have to recognize that He was able to become a human without his birth from a woman if He wanted to… 

He was born from a woman in order to comfort women; as if He addressed humanity, saying: “It should be known that there is no evil in 

God’s creation… I made human from the beginning, created male and female; I do not disdain the creation that I made. 

Look I was born a man, and was born from a woman; so I’m not despise what I created, but sin which I did not create. 

For the same reason, we find that women were the first to announce the resurrection of the Lord to the apostles. In the Paradise (Garden of Eden) the woman announced death to her husband, and in the Church women announced salvation to men. The apostles announced the resurrection of Christ to the nations, after the women announced that to the apostles1.] 

St. Irenaeus said: [Although Eve had Adam as her husband, she was still a virgin. With her disobedience, she become the cause of death for herself and to all mankind, Mary was betrothed to Joseph and was a virgin; with her obedience, she became the cause of salvation for herself and for all mankind… Thus, the entanglement, which was caused by the disobedience of Eve, was resolved by the obedience of Mary. What the virgin Eve had badly knotted by her lack of faith, the virgin Mary had untied by her faith…] 

Origen refers to St. Mary as the one who restored dignity to women’s gender, which was lost by Eve’s sin. Women had found salvation by giving birth to children. “Nevertheless, she will be saved in childbearing” (1 Timothy 

15). He also says: “The joy that Gabriel brought to Mary removed the grief that was upon Eve, as the sin started by a woman then extended to the man, so began the Annunciation by women (Mary and Elizabeth)” 

Thus women regained their dignity, and got their special discretion in the family as wives and mothers, we have already talked about the equality of the wife to the husband, in our conversation about marital love. 

Perhaps one of the reasons that the Church pays special interest to the icon of the Virgin Mary carrying her Child our Lord Jesus Christ, and placing it on the iconostasis (icon holder) at the entrance of the main sanctuary, is to highlight the respect for women and appreciation for motherhood. 

As for children: in the old Greek culture, sometimes they were allowed to kill their children if they were sick or weak. The children were left naked on a mountain to die. They also trained their children to eat food that makes them strong, and they taught them to steal food from the camps as long as they do not get caught, and the girls were trained to do rough physical exercises to give birth to strong and healthy children. So it was all about physically strong children without any consideration for the humanity of the weak children or respect for the girls’ femininity. 

But Christianity has raised the child entity: 

a. Jesus defended them (Matthew 19:13-15), and brought our attention to the spiritual values of the children (Matthew 18:3-5): simplicity, innocence, and purity. 

Since then, “Childhood” became a symbol, everyone longs to reach it, so they can qualify for the kingdom of heaven, as an example. St. Augustine says: [They are humble… We should be like small children.] 

b. The faith of the Church in the role and importance of children is highlighted by their enjoyment of their second birth through baptism. Perhaps he or she might be a few days old, but baptism allows the work of the Spirit of God in him or her, rendering them as children of God, and dwelling place for the Holy Spirit, having the rights of Church members. 

Who dares to say that Christ is not the Savior or Redeemer for children? 

St. Augustine 

Jesus Christ came to save everyone, I mean all who were born in Him again, whether they were children, youth, or elders3. 

St. Irenaeus 

Those who have committed sins before God and they believe that they can receive forgiveness for their sins; no one can stop them from receiving baptism and grace. But children whose consciences are pure and did not commit any sin are still in need for baptism, because of Adam’s sin that they inherited through birth, because baptism is a condition for salvation and forgiveness. For this reason, our synod stated: O beloved brother: It is not allowed to prevent anyone from baptism and the grace of God, He who is righteous and merciful towards everyone. Baptism is for everyone, especially for young children, those who get our attention and the goodness of God.4. 

St. Cyprian the Martyr 

Many are the disciples of Christ (by disciples he meant baptized children)5. 

St. Justin 

Do you have children? Do not allow evil to get to them, but keep them pure, and let the Holy Spirit work in them from their infanthood. 

Moms are afraid of God’s service because of one reason or another! It may be natural or spiritual weakness, or may be lack of faith! Look at Hanna; before she gave birth to Samuel, she promised him to God (1 Samuel 1:11), and after his birth, right after he was weaned she gave him to the Lord, she was not worried about him being young and weak, but trusted in God. Hand your children to the Holy Trinity, for It is a great and noble guard1. 

What can we say about those who are still babies, and did not acquire loss or blessing?! 

Do they get baptized also?! Of course, it’s better for them to gain it, even without realizing it, than to bear the risk of leaving this world without this seal and this dedication2. 

St. Gregory Nazianzus 

The Church received the tradition of baptizing the children from the apostles, for the remission of the inherited sin3. 

Origen 

Baptize your nursing babies, and bring them to the Lord who says: Let the children come to me and do not forbid them. 

Apostolic Constitutions 

The Coptic child enjoys the mystery of the Eucharist, he feels that the Church is his mother that nourishes him with the body and blood of the Lord, seeks the salvation of his soul, and cares for him. 

c. During liturgical services in the Coptic Church, especially the Liturgy of the Eucharist, children share with adults, without being isolated in a place outside the church. This connects the children to worship in the church, and makes them feel that the church appreciates them, and that they are members of the church. Our church is not an organization, but it is a family that includes all its members together with love in the most sacred moments of worship. 

d. The Coptic Church is characterized by its smooth hymns, and joyful rituals that attract the heart of the children, so they do not get bored of worship. 

e. The Church highlights her appreciation for the children and 

shows how much She honors them through the many festivals dedicated to various martyrs, and saints among children and boys, and asking their prayers for us. The Church also names churches after them, such as those of the children martyrs of Bethlehem, St. Kyriakos the child and his mother Julita, St. Abanoub the young boy, St. mother Dolaji and her children, as well as that of St. Rebekah and her children etc. 

Truly, are we children of God? Have we gotten rid of our old man, and taken off the dress of evil and put on the immortality of Christ? Have we become sacred new people through the new birth, and preserved ourselves from impurities and as God’s children, washed ourselves from adultery? 

St. Clement of Alexandria 

Let us escape from all pride and have the simplicity of the children, righteousness is inconsistent with pride, while simplicity complements it and magnifies it by its humility. 

St. Ambrose 

These are the outlines of the true wisdom: to be simple with understanding. Truly this is the angelic life, because the soul of a little boy is pure of all (bad) desires4. 

The disciples prevented the crowds from bringing their children because they thought it did not suit the prestige of Christ. But our Savior wanted to teach His disciples humility and how to overcome pride. He hugged the children and attributed the kingdom of God to them. 

Truly a child’s mind is pure from the pains of sin; so it is fitting for us to exercise with our full freedom what the children do by their nature. 

St. John Chrysostom 

He did not say “for those,” but said, “for such as these is the kingdom of God,” i.e. for those who have the intention and the behavior of the children. 

A child by nature is simple, has no selfishness, does not hate, and does not harbor evil intentions. Even if his mother hits him, he does not leave her, and if she dressed him in cheap clothes, he sees them better than royal clothes. 

Likewise, whoever walks in the path of his good mother the Church, does not honor anything more than Her, even his own pleasures, for Her being the queen of all. As the Lord says, ” Whoever does not accept the kingdom of God like a boy will not enter it.”Fr. Theophlaktius, Patriarch of Bulgaria 

f. The Church deterred parents from being spiteful or irritating towards their children, as we will see. 

In all this, family connections are based on true love, mutual respect, and appreciation for each member, as Christ died for each one of them. 

Father Tadros Y. Malaty, Family Love (SOUTH BRUNSWICK, NJ: Queen Mary & Prince Tadros Coptic Orthodox Church).